i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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