How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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