I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
