Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
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I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
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i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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