My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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