We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
