It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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