dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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