No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
