shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
