i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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