my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
