There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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