shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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