So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
