Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
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He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
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I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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