If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
sex in a hospital.. check
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
