weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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