my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
