im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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