Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
