there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Pants are for mortals
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
