cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize