so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
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we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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