how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm always down for nudity.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize