i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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