Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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