About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
