I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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