Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
