kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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