kristin has been a bad kristin
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
