So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
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If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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