Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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