Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
