can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
