remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
