I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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