matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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