You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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