do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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