Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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