I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
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we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
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Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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