I think my vagina is haunted
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
