Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
