I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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