we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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