if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
