I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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