i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
They have beer where we have blood.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
