i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
