I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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