The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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