Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
