I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
