My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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